Craig's World of Sport

Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

And in joint forth place…

leave a comment »

Five simple words, that’s all they are but to me it is a sign of an achievement that will live with me forever, a fourth place at The Riding for the Disabled (RDA) National Championships. First time competing at a National event and I won a rosette.

Why? Its simple I like to win things and this is me going in the right direction. After just 8 months of real training on 3 or 4 different horses and just 10 weeks to get a real partnership with my current horse Beauty well it was out of this world. I also bagged ninth in my main class scoring the same percentage and overall score as 8th place, only being separated by our collective marks. But hey I’m still in the top 10 of my country.

This blog is really about the weekend and the week leading up to the Championship. It started early on Monday 10th July, as I had to travel down to Chippenham in Wiltshire to pick up a van from Bathwick Car and Van Hire, because it was the closest place I could get a 3.5tn automatic horse box from. My sponsors Irvings Law of Liverpool had kindly agreed to pay for the whole weekend at a massive cost so I must say a big thank you to them.

I travelled by car, train and bus over 200 miles to get the van and then the same distance back driving the vehicle. I had never driven a van before. It was brilliant so much fun to do. I arrived home just after 9pm. The Tuesday was my son’s birthday so no training then and as it was the weather was rubbish.

I had my final training session with my coach Moira on Wednesday where we practiced both tests and they went so well it was unreal. Thursday was travel day. It took over 4 hours to get to Hartpury Equine College the beautiful home of the Championships. Beauty was treated to a lovely stable and we sorted her for the evening before meeting up with our friends from the Pendle RDA Group who we parked our van next to for the weekend. Lots of laughs have been had I can tell you, most not for public consumption.

As I wasn’t competing till the Sunday I spent Friday and Saturday watching and meeting friends I’d made over social media and just relaxing.

Well I say relaxing if you call getting your horse out of the stable when your coach arrives and realise she’s like a coiled spring that you may not make it into the arena on Sunday. Beauty had to be walked and walked lots and then ridden both evenings and between them Moira and Helen did the walking as always, I just sat on the horse.

Even though I was competing at 9.56 on the Sunday, Saturday night was still party night and superhero fancy dress was the theme. We had to go and aimed to be back in the room by 10pm. Well 11pm was ok, wasn’t it?

Sunday morning was a mad rush, Helen was out and feeding Beauty by 6.30 before I woke and tried to wake Clayton, but an 8-year-old who had been out partying the night before was not for waking. Thankfully Helen came back for us to go to breakfast and she sorted him.

I’d like to talk about Helen here if I may. We have been married 17 ½ years. Like every couple, we’ve had good times and bad times but we are together. She took me on when I was more able than I am now, and now she is my carer as well as my wife, she is a mum and now head groom. I don’t know how many caps she wants but I hope it’s not many more as I don’t think she can split herself much more lol. She has been so good, without her none of this silly dream of mine would be possible so I want to really thank her for that and tell her it means more than she will ever know.

I mounted Beauty at 9.30 just outside the collecting ring and although a little jumpy she was better than she had been. Then as we went into the collecting ring she switched on, it was like a light went on and she was like “oh I remember doing all this”. Having walked round for what seemed like a life time we got our call to enter the huge outdoor arena. I went and spoke to the judge who was situated in one of the type of sheds you see at big dressage competitions around the world. As we walked down the side of arena 8 the bell sounded to start the test. Beauty rose to the occasion and hit the centre line like a pro. I felt the test went well and the pace was good. Could it have gone better of course it could but very few get it completely right.

It all seemed to be over in a flash and even with the fly’s driving her mad Beauty behaved so well. I must admit I was riding round thinking “we forgot the damn fly spray” lol. But we managed. It was so nice to be greeted at the gate of the stables by Helen and Clayton who proudly led Beauty in for a little rest before part 2 of the day.

I want to add at this point the 16th July is always an emotional day for me. It is my mum’s birthday and the last day I ever spoke to her or heard her voice. So, to do this massive competition on her birthday was so so special. I know she was looking down with a massive smile and as I left the arena at A I pointed to the sky to say thank you and I love you.

The 2-hour gap between tests flew by and before I knew it I was back on the horse again, still not having a full result for the 1st class and was now heading down to the holding area beneath the big indoor International Arena. I was 1st in there as I was the 2nd to compete. I had another good warm up and kept Beauty nice and calm. At 12.38 it was our time to go out there and do it. As I was walking round the outside of the arena to speak to the judge I said to my coach Moira “well if Charlotte Dujardin can compete in this arena so can I” that settled the nerves because this was a big arena that had proper stands that people were watching from. Again, I spoke to the judge and walked round to A to start the test. I had called the test MerseyPride as I choreographed it to Z Cars (Everton), Rockford Files (Tranmere) and You’ll Never Walk Alone (Liverpool) the 3 pieces of music the teams run out to. Again, the test went well. Other than our almost none halt at the start, but I put that down to nerves on Beauty’s part but not to be helped. In dressage, I find if something goes wrong forget about it you can pic marks up in other places and we did. A score of 66% in that test was only 2.5 points behind 3rd and 3 points of 2nd so a good halt and who knows but we got some really nice comments on the test and to pick up a 4th in my 1st ever freestyle test I was so pleased. I mean I just wanted not to finish last in either class.

So, it took quite a while for the results to be finalised as Class 67 which was the main walk test had 26 riders overall Junior and Senior. I placed 9th in Senior with a score of 67.35% same as 8th place but they had better collective marks. Right in the middle part of the group. I was so happy it wasn’t a rosette but a top 10 finish which I thought was all I could hope for. But the day got better when I said above I got a 4th for my freestyle. 8 months into my Para Dressage Career and I’m picking up a rosette for competing in National Championship inside an International Arena.

I am a big dreamer I know that and it is hard to keep my feet on the ground and not get too carried away. But I’m also a realist and know my path to Tokyo 2020 is going to be very hard if not impossible, however until it is completely ruled out I won’t stop trying.

So, what’s next for me, well I am now in the process of going for RDA classification which will determine which of the 5 categories I will compete at. 1-2 are walk only which is unlikely for me 3 is walk, trot and 4 and 5 are both walk, trot, canter. We think I will be grade 3 or 4 but 2nd guessing won’t help and I just must now wait till I can see either 1 or 2 physios’ who will put me through my paces and decide what I can and more importantly in classification can’t do.

After that then it’s onto British Dressage Para Intro Bronze level. I need to again start getting scores and getting noticed and attending BD Para Dressage training days in order to compete for initially the North West but then hopefully GB and again hopefully Paralympics GB. This is a long road but one I have now started on and I want to see it through. I hope you follow my journey and support me in any way you can. If you would like to donate to enable me to compete in various competitions going forward you can find my GoFundMe page HERE.

Before I go I would again like to thank each and every single person who has helped me so far in any small way. The rosette I came away with on Sunday was for everyone. I am just the person who sits on the horse, everyone around me in my opinion has harder jobs.

Can we make it all the way to the Paralympics, I believe I can and that’s the full-on aim, keep an eye out as this ride could get interesting?



Written by pegleg5125

20/07/2017 at 12:58 pm

Who Am I?

leave a comment »

I’ve written this blog to potentially go on another blog about my riding. It will probably be a lot shorter by then but I really want to share the full version. Thanks for reading.

So, who am I? And how did I get to the point of wanting to become a para equestrian with the goal of competing in dressage at a future Paralympics? Simple answer I didn’t, I wanted to be a football commentator with the goal of commentating on a World Cup Final. Listen one thing you will find about this piece is I’m honest, I’m self-deprecating and I like to think I can be funny but you can be the judge of that.

My name is Craig Harrison, I’m 38 and live in a small part of the world called The Wirral Peninsula, Wirral or The Wirral (big debate for another day) is located on the banks of the River Mersey just over the water from Liverpool. I would happily call myself a scouser I know lots don’t but I do, I love the area I’m from and for me there is no greater city in the world than Liverpool. I was born with disabilities, a club foot, left leg was deformed, I have congenital hip dysplasia and scoliosis of the spine, in fact I have a double scoli which means my back curves twice. I’m a bit of a medical mystery to be fair, when they amputated my leg at the age of 7, best thing they ever did, it was described as “the most unusual bone structure we have seen”. Not bad I suppose it’s a claim to fame that my wonky leg has been written about.

I’ve always wanted to do the best I can and be the best, having 1 leg or any of my disabilities hasn’t stopped me or slowed me down too much. I have always pushed the boundaries and if I was told no I couldn’t do it I asked why and tried to figure a way I could. I was one of a group of young disabled people in 1990 who went to mainstream school. We were the 1st to transition from special needs education into the mainstream education system. It was a struggle but I came out with grades I was happy with and it helped pave the way for other physically disabled to go directly to mainstream when people realised our brains were not affected by our physical appearance.

When I left school, I started work as a YTS in office work, it wasn’t what I wanted to do but it paid the bills, even at 16 I had them! This led to full time work and other great opportunities.

Whilst I was working at an organisation called Wirral Action I was made aware of a scheme run by Raleigh International called the Merseyside Millennium Award Scheme (RIMA). This was a lottery funded expedition for 120 young people plus 40 support staff all from Merseyside to spend 12 weeks in Namibia in 1998. Of course, I jumped at the chance to try and win a place on the expedition. So, in the middle of January or February 1998 I got to spend a lovely cold weekend in the outdoors at Hepdon Bridge. There we had to pass different tests including team building, problem solving and sleeping out as a group under a bivywhack. That was cold trust me. One of the things I was most proud of was at the time I was still wearing my artificial leg and I managed to walk the 1st mile with my group of the trek, it was and still is the furthest I’ve ever walked in 1 go. But I did it. This determination despite the pain I believe helped me win a place on the expedition. So, in October 1998 I was off with 160 other people who have now gone on not just to become friends but family because we united on that trip and did some amazing things. I personally got to help in Bushmanland home of the San, the oldest indigenous tribe in Africa. This is something I will never ever forget building a school for children who would never have had that opportunity without our help. The smiles from those people as they danced on the newly concreted floor the day the school was opened will live with me forever.

It was at this time I realised I didn’t need to wear my artificial leg. It was heavy, cumbersome and made me feel far more disabled than I was without it. I would still wear it off and on until 2004 or 05 but hated it till I finally decided I’d had enough of it. I would wear it for other people as it looked better or it was the norm and was expected, I now know you should do it for yourself not to please others.

When I come home I got involved in playing amputee football and started training with the England squad. I was luckily enough to be selected to go to Ukraine in 1999. This was something else, a lad who loved football from a family of some decent armature footballers, getting to represent his country. I spent 90 seconds on the pitch during the whole tournament and never touched the ball but I got on the pitch and no one can take that away from me. I was an international footballer. My England shirt is proudly on display in my son’s bedroom. I also represented Everton’s mixed disability team and was joint captain when we lifted the charity shield in Cardiff in 2000.

I met my wife Helen in mid-1999. We must have hit it off or something because just 6 months after getting together we married in February of 2000 after getting to spend Millennium eve down at the Millennium Dome in London with HRH The Queen and other dignitaries all due to my time with Raleigh. I was a very proud Millennium Award Winner who that night at the Houses of Commons and the Dome I got to represent all RIMA Award winners.

Helen and I have now been married 17 years and have a lovely son called Clayton who I will tell you more about soon.

Like any couple, we have had great times and not so great times but on a whole our experiences have made us stronger and we are a great partnership. Helen has been there for me when I have suffered through bad depressions due to my disability and bereavement, but we got through them. It is not something I’m ashamed of to admit it’s a daily battle to keep going but I do because I believe I have a goal to complete and I’m not ready to give up yet.
It was in 2004 that my disabilities started to get worse. I suffered huge amount of pain in my hip that even up to now doctors don’t know what caused it or how to treat it other than manage with pain medication. Because of my hip problems my scoliosis kicked off causing me back pain as well, again nothing they can do, I just have to get on with it which I do.

During this time, I found out that I couldn’t have children, this was an awful time and put a strain on our marriage. Again, I’m not ashamed to say it was me with the problem. A lot of men don’t talk about infertility as it’s not the done thing but why? It can’t be helped and there is support out there. We successfully went through IVF treatment at the Hewitt Centre at the Liverpool Women’s Hospital. We are 2 of the lucky ones it worked 1st time for us. Clayton was born 31st January 2009, he is my little miracle and proudest achievement in my life.

As I say I suffer with chronic pain in my hips and back. I went on a special Pain Management Programme in 2013 and this has really helped me in some ways manage my day to day activity and realise sometimes too much is too much. I must plan my days without over doing things to avoid the low points where my body says no. This does happen still thankfully not to the extent it used to where I had been laid up in bed for sometimes 6 weeks at a time. I now at least know when it may happen and can lessen the impact of such periods with careful management of my pain medication.

In 2014 I was told that horse riding would be good physio and help me develop my core muscles. I had done this during primary school but not since so thought I would give it a try. After a little wait, I was invited to join the Foresters Horn Riding for the Disabled group now based at Foxes Riding School. I loved it and was told I was quite good at it. I was asked about dressage and I said I would consider it as I loved competing. Sadly, my nan passed away in 2015 before I got chance to start properly. I went back into that dark cloud of depression and stopped riding.

Thankfully in September 2016 I went back and this time I was determined. With the help of my trainer and coach Moira and my groom Helen (yes, she’s no longer my wife 1st) we managed to put in a test to Dressage Anywhere. They allow you to video your test at your home yard and send it in to be judged. My 1st test was on Jilly who I had been riding thanks to a lovely lady called Nikki. Jilly is an old girl in horse years but as spritely as they come and we did an amazing test for a 1st go. I wanted to score over 40% but to my surprise and utter delight I score 66.67% and instantly qualified for their online RDA National Championships. I scored over 66% a month later a different horse so maybe I could do this.

I decided I would really give it a go and try and go for the “unreal” goal of the Paralympics. I trained as much as I could in the winter but due to weather etc. it was difficult. Early this year I loaned a horse and was in training for the RDA North West Championships, unfortunately the loan ended abruptly and 5 weeks out I was left with no horse to ride. Step in Natalie and her horse Beauty who needed some exercise and work doing as she had been lame and put some weight on.
We clicked straight away, I even ran through the test for the championships on her and she just got it. This was a horse who had never done dressage before in her life. So, I asked could I take her to the championships and thankfully Nat said yes.

We put in 5 weeks hard training as many days as my body would let me. So, on Sunday 14th May I went to my 1st ever face to face comp with a horse that never goes out of her home yard. She was brilliant like an old pro we score 73.24% the highest score on the day in any class and qualified for the National RDA Championships in Hartpury, Gloustershire over the weekend of 14-16th July. Am I excited yes but also very nervous as this was a realisation that the “unreal” goal could be a reality.

So, what’s next for me? During the Championships, I will be graded so I can compete at the correct category going forward, currently I only do walk tests. This will enable me to compete at more events next year on the BD Para Intro circuit which is the level between RDA and full British Dressage Para events and the Elite Performance Programme. This is where I want to be. Will it happen in time for Tokyo 2020 who knows, it’s unlikely as everything just needs to click? I’m not ruling it out but realistically 2024 is more likely to be my goal, but let’s try for 2020.

So that’s my story, if you’ve made it this far thanks I hope that gives you some insight to who I am and my journey to hopefully one day getting a gold medal for Paralympics GB.

Before I go I want to thank some people, Helen mostly for being my groom, my wife and my carer without whom most days I wouldn’t be able to get out of bed. To Clayton my biggest fan and person who drives me to be better every single day. Moira my coach who gives up her time to make me the best I can be. Finally, to all the owners who have let me ride their horses, Nikki, Lisa, Natalie and Foxes Riding Centre. I’d also like to thank Irving’s Law of Liverpool who saw a piece about me in the Wirral Globe who have kindly sponsored me for the National Championships.

To everyone who has wished me well or donated to me I can honestly say I’m humbled and honoured. But remember this is just the start, I aim to be the best.

If anyone would like to help in the future please get in touch with me or you can donate via my Go Fund Me page here

Written by pegleg5125

22/06/2017 at 11:57 am

EWR APW PPV November Gym Wars

leave a comment »

So I started off my new EWR game. I am a small promotion called APW who have no TV and just monthly PPV’s. The game started in November 2013. I managed to sign some notable WWE releases including AJ Lee, The Bella’s and also El Generico (Sammi Zayne) who wasn’t released by WWE as wasn’t contracted to them at the time this game came out. I also signed Curtis Axel, however after 1 gig he is back in the “E” and as you’ll see I’m not too happy lol. Anyway onto the PPV itself I have done plenty of screen shots so you can all see.


Here we go then. Here is the the card.


The show started with a dark match. Kid Omega Vs Tito Aquino




Now in the post report for this I have seen these 2 didn’t work too well together so probably won’t pair them again.


The full show started with The Bella’s attacking Cheerleader Melissa.




This helped set up the Womens Title match later in the evening when Ayako Hamada was added to the mix.


In a 1 on 1 bout El Millonario Vs Manu Anoai again I thought these 2 would put on a good match for the fans.Image


It looks like the crowed were into this match which was good and helped move the PPV forward.


We than had Hamada come out and talk about Brie Bella to set up the 4 way for the title.




I then hyped the main even of Austin Aries Vs El Generico for the AWP Universal Heavyweight Title (this is the title I’m chosing as my main title).




It was then time for our 4 Way for the Womens Title The Bella’s Vs Cheerleader Melissa Vs Hamada.





I decided to go with Brie winning as she is the one who is doing the most in WWE atm and think she will be a good heel for my company.


The APW Worldwide Internet Title was up next (secondary title) pitting Curtis Axel Vs Balls Mahoney.




So I have Axel win only for him to sign a new deal back at WWE the next day and the Title is vacant again. Who will face Balls at the next PPV as he has an automatic clause as he lost to Axel who has since left.


We now have a Tag Team Title match which I have since realised I’ve made a mistake with who I put in one of the teams, I will however find a way round this in the next PPV. The only champions in the company were Border Patrol.





So Gangrel and Steele are the new Champions.


Its now Main Event time for the APW Universal Heavyweight Championship in an Iron Man Match.





So El Generico is left floored after the end of the PPV after winning the belt, what will happen when we next go on PPV in December. I will post this when I get it done over next few days.


This is the rating of the PPV




Many thanks for reading, if you think we should try and sign anyone please make suggestions and I will do my best to sign them.

Written by pegleg5125

02/10/2013 at 11:11 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

Tagged with , ,

NEW EWR game

leave a comment »

Decided to start a brand new EWR game, haven’t played for a while and decided to see if I can take a small promotion into the big time. I think I might be able to do at least something will update as I can. Hope you will enjoy it.

Written by pegleg5125

02/10/2013 at 5:09 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

Tagged with , ,

Home! Tired but so energisded too

leave a comment »

So after a long week I’m back home and have already enjoyed the fruits of my labour by enjoying some fun time in the sun outside with Clayton when I got home. This 5 days ago would of been unheard of. 


The change I have seen in myself is massive, even better is Helen has seen a change when I arrived home. I’m smiling and laughing which can only be a good thing. I also can see how the mindfulness will work when Clayton did have a little strop, I didn’t let it affect me and go straight to raging I stopped and talked calmly only when the strop continued into throwing something did I have to raise my voice but I did it in a calm fashion not just pure anger, again good. I was only shouting at him for being naughty not for me getting angry due to the pain effecting me. I also came home and sat on a chair at the table not getting onto the bed to rest my back, again that would be the easy option, not necessary the right one.


The hard part comes over the next 3 days while I’m at home, I have to maintain the work I have done, not lapse back into the easy route. The plan for tomorrow is still get up for around 7.30 and to take Clayton to school before I have an appointment in Liverpool. My plan there is to walk a bit too again something I haven’t been able to do too much.


Thanks all for reading I hope my journy through this pain management course is interesting to you as its helpful for me to write it down.


Should I get chance I’ll write about how I get on over the weekend and maintaining what I have done so far, if I don’t I’ll write more about the coming week on Sunday when I get back to the hotel.

Written by pegleg5125

11/07/2013 at 7:06 pm

Day 3 PMP I can see change

leave a comment »

Something I never expected after just 3 days of the Pain Management Course was to see a difference, be that difference in how I perceived the course or difference in me.

However I can, not huge but definite change. For instance I have a smile back, not a fake “yeah am ok smile” which I have had for a while (sorry) but a proper happy smile. I have been laughing with friends I’ve made generally having a good time. I am also progressing in understanding the pain not just normal acute pain but chronic pain that doesn’t ever fully go away no matter how many tablets you take. This is a big process, understanding the pain is the start of dealing with it. I guess that’s like any kind of psychological or neuro problem 1st step is admitting the problem. I have also started to understand the cycle of pain and how to go about changing that, pain can depress you, depression can tense you up causing pain. That’s the simplest way I can explain it, pain and causes of pain and then the anxiety that come with the pain is a vicious circle. That’s why sometimes I say no to things I would like to do because I’m scared of the consequences that may happen because of it. This is a cycle that is hard to break but one I am going to try, I can already see small steps towards that.

That is kind of the point, small steps, go to far too fast and it ruins everything but slowly slowly works. I was worried about our gym sessions but I’ve loved them and can already see a change their, my Buddha belly has reduced, again not lots but enough to give me confidence to keep on. The exercises have made me fitter already which in turn gives me energy.

As for the Mindfulness, well yeah I’m still giving it a go, some techniques are better than others some really work and I’d be happy to explain them to anyone who asks. Primerally its about putting you in the here and now, what can you control now, not worry about the future or the past but right now. It also helps you relax and not get to the “Angry Daddy” stage which is what Clayton has said he doesn’t like. To hear your 4-year-old say that is horrible, I don’t want to be that person, I want to be “Fun Daddy” now I know I may never be the most mobile and physical dads anymore but I want to be the best I can be. That was the biggest motivation for me coming on this course.

The big thing for me now as I come to the last day of the week tomorrow is to maintain, continue doing the right things over the weekend, indeed if as it turns out their maybe changes in plans then don’t be scared, tackle them in a positive way but also don’t over do it. Planning is essential, make sure I rest but also make sure I exercise and be fit for what I need to do. Use the scooter if I need but don’t rely on it, walk a bit too if I can.

All this will take time but I fully plan to get there, still maybe a bumpy road with pain flare ups ahead but the aim is not to let these dominate me as they have before and certainly no more “Boom and Bust” for me. Slow and steady Craigy boy slow and steady.

Written by pegleg5125

10/07/2013 at 5:37 pm

Living with pain! How do I deal with it? HELP! Pain Management Course so far

leave a comment »

Firstly I know I haven’t used this blog much in a while, reasons will probably become apparent as I go on. I also apologise for if I ramble on and get distracted again it will probably become apparent.


As most of you know I have a disability, well more than 1. I have obviously (well to people who know me it obvious) I only have 1 leg. My leg was amputated at the age of 7 in 1986 due to the fact it was 6 inches shorter than my “good” leg when it was taken off. At the ages of 1, 3 & 5 I had tendon lengthening operations to try to straighten the leg. These were pointless they never helped and all that really happened was I spent 10 weeks in traction on a bed unable to move. Going the toilet left me in agony and in tears because of pain. I remember at least 1 of these operations and this was probably my 1st real taste of pain.


I also have congenital hip dysplasia  (dislocated hips) to both hips. The left one “bad” having been seen on x-rays over recent years is nowhere near the socket it should be and happily pops in and out of its socket on a regular basis to a nice pop followed by me shouting aghhhhhhh! (sorry for graphic detail!). It was only about 9 years ago this really started to give me pain, but when I say pain I mean the worst pain I have ever had in my life. My right hip “good”, or so I thought never really bothered me, however, more on that in a moment. Added to the above I also have scoliosis which is a curve of the spine, but me being me it’s not straightforward I have a double curve!


As I say around 9 years ago boxing day it was I was due to go to work, yes I did used to work for those youngsters amongst you who don’t remember those days! I woke up in the most pain I can remember, worse than anything you can imagine. This lasted for 2 days, by the end of the second day I was in that much pain I had to go to the hospital. When I presented to A & E you see triage etc and then get sent for the usual x-rays. Luckily on duty that night was a specialist hip Dr. Now I should have known things were not going to go well when said Dr starts looking at the slides and starts turning them round every which way he can to try to get a grip on things. At this time it maybe worth mentioning when the took my leg off I have since been told it had “the most unique bone structure I’ve ever seen” to quote a Dr at the time. I am written about somewhere in medical journals or so I’ve been told.


Now getting a little worried by things I was wondering what was up. I was sent to a ward so the top hip Dr at hospital could see me next day. Again when he came round to see me next day, same thing happened and he could see no reason for pain. Trust me mate it was and still is there lol. I was discharged with high or so I thought pain medication and dispatched off home. I was back around a week later same problem. This time I was kept in a little longer and scans ordered. Again I was given more pain medication, I forget which, it all kind of becomes a blur or if you stop and move onto next one you forget the last one. I do know I was told to come see him as an out patient when results were known. This I did. I was greeted to the now familiar line “well I can’t see much wrong but…” Their never really was a but, but its something to add onto a sentence rather than just say I just don’t know!


It was decided I would continue with pain meds and go back and see him in 6 months which I did. Looking back even though at the time the pain meds may have sent me into space they were relatively low and shows me how much pain has got worse over the past 8/9 years. When I went back again pain was still persistent and getting no better indeed it was getting worse. It was decided I needed to have a couple more tests. 1 was a scan and 1 was having a quite big injection into the hip with some dye stuff a x-ray can pick up. This was done at the same time needle was in. I’m not sure if they just wanted to see if I really could take pain, honest I could lol. I was also sent for a bone scan, oh good more radiation in my body, I probably would have less if I was born in Chernobyl!


Surprisingly these scans found nothing and I was officially declared a medical anomaly. Dr decided to try a cortisone injection to hip, he did this but somehow put it in the wrong place and caused even more pain I was laid up for 4 weeks. I then had to wait 6 months before seeing him again and he decided to try again knowing what happened. He thought he may have gone into wrong nerve! Now don’t get me wrong it did work the 2nd time, well for around 4 weeks. After that I was back to square 1. Dr at this point was at a loss, he had spoken to colleagues, top professors who some told him to leave well alone but fair play to my Dr (who I’m not naming as I don’t think that’s fair) he didn’t want to just give up. He said a full hip replacement wouldn’t work as it had the chance to make things worse if I got infection and may not get rid of pain. For a similar reason he said fusion wouldn’t be suitable and would also possibly reduce my movement.


At around this time it was now 2008/9 and we were well into the treatment for IVF I had also started to notice some twinges in my back, I didn’t think anything of them and put it down to “just my body”. As 08 turned into 09 and Clayton had been born the pain really started to get worse and I had to go see my GP who refered me to one of the top back specialists in Liverpool.


I went to see the Dr who examined me and again corded tests. When I went back to clinic to see him he looked at my full body scan and my bone scan, more radiation (I will have no one wanting to come near me by the end of this lol). Again he could see no reason for my pain other than the double curve which was bad but not as bad as some he’d seen, that was something I suppose. He also told me my right hip remember the “good” one was in fact anatomically worse than my left “bad” one as it had found its own pseudo joint having dislocated and moved sometime when I was a baby. Now if this moves it could be very bad but at the moment this is unlikely for now at least. At the 3rd appointment with him he discharged me as their was nothing he could do for me as again spinal fusion would make things worse and make me less mobile than I am now and not decrease the pain which is what is causing me the problems.


He refered me to a specialist Pain Clinic at Clatterbridge. I went to see the Dr where I had to fill forms out and this helped me realise just how shit my life really was. My mood also wasn’t helped by the content sucking in of air when a suggestion was made. My GP had suggested a Pain Pump which put a shot of morphine direct to the pain source. This was ruled out through the intake of breath and uttering the words Pain Pump over and over. I think he may have been mad but I’m not sure, you know they say madness and genius are so close together and I was told this fella was the best! When I gave him the list of my medication by this point and still today consisted of 3-4 morphine a day, 2 paracetamol whenever I take morphine, 2 pregabalin a day, 1 duloxitine and 2 or 3 amitriptaline. All of which can cause so many side-effects I wonder how I function some days even the limited amount I do function. Again with a sharp intake of breath, which annoyed me, I was told “you’re at the high-end of your medication!” Oh great I’m 33/34 and I’ve been told there isn’t anywhere I can go with my pain meds.


This kind of takes me to where I am now. I should say during the early part of 2012 I did have a good period where I came down off some medication with a view to stopping other parts of it, I however had a fall which put me back on everything, stronger in some cases. Due to this I have taken legal action over that so can’t say anymore about that.


So back to now and I was pretty much at the end of my tether, and was refered to the Pain Management Programme run out of the Walton Centre at Fazackerley Hospital. I was dubious to say the least, “won’t it be like teaching your granny to suck eggs” was a comment I made, but I attended the assessment day. What did I have to lose? Even on the assessment day I was sceptical. Now I should explain there are 2 courses, 1 a 5 day course, you attend once a week for 5 weeks. The other was a more intensive 16 day course where you go for 4 days for 2 weeks then 2 days for 4 weeks. Now this seemed so silly for me as I would have to get here for stupid o’clock which isn’t good on my meds and I would have to drive through Liverpool rush hour, I would have to leave home at 8 just to get here blah blah blah. Looking back these may have been excuses not to do course because that is easy to say I can’t do it because of my pain etc (see I’ve learnt already lol). It was decided that I would be suited to the course having spoken to a OT, a psychotherapist, a physio and a pain specialist Dr. Only problem was they though I would be suited to the 16 day course! Now I had a dilemma I had thought this wouldn’t be practical due to the reason I stated but I was thrown a curve ball by the physio, you could stay at a hotel for the times you were at the course. Ok so that’s one less excuse, now I just have to sort the even bigger problem of being away from home leaving Helen alone to look after the whirling dervish that is Clayton.


I decided I needed to think about it and asked for time to weigh up the pros and cons. I did and was still unsure so I cam back and spoke to 2 of the staff, a OT and Psych with Helen who helped break up the course better so it showed I really wouldn’t be away that long and more importantly how the course would be beneficial to us as a family in the long run. We have started using the phrase “short-term pain for long-term gain”.


So now there was no barriers it was decided I would give it ago. Again I had nothing to lose and as I have found over the last 2 days I was at the stage of many others here I was at my last chance saloon having now been discharged by all other specialists, this meant really I had nothing left to lose! I got my letter Friday 25th June to start the course on the 8th July.


Not much time to sort things but as ever with Helen’s help we managed to get ready and I left home Sunday night to spend the next 4 nights at the lovely Express by Holliday Inn in Knowsley. This would be a big struggle for us as a family as I have not spent more than 2 nights away from Helen in the 13 and half years we have been married and I was heading into the unknown, I would have to be semi self sufficient for the time away, something I haven’t found myself able to do for at least 4 years really maybe longer.


Now onto the course in particular the PMP is not about fixing pain, this won’t happen it is there. It is all about managing the pain and how you can deal with pain to make your life better. This is done through a number of sessions 5 a day from 9.30 – 4.15. Now I intended to write this yesterday but for one thing and another I didn’t get round to it, mainly I had to go home after the course last night as I had Helen’s bowls in my car which she needed today (Tuesday). By the time I got back and had my tea I was tired and wasn’t up to writing. Probably a good job as now I’m writing this at 6.30 on Tuesday I’ve been writing since I got back in my room around 4.45.


Yesterday was an introduction to the course, as I said everyday of the course you have 5 sessions. Psych, targets etc, gym (which I was dreading) a session of something extra and something called Mindfulness. Now I really was dubious about this “mumbo jumbo claptrap”! The only real non introduction session to day 1 was the gym session where I did exercises like I haven’t done for a long time, some since I was playing football and it felt good! I think I had become frightened to do exercise for worry of damaging myself, a common thought I was told.


Now day 2 has been a lot more intensive, firstly setting targets for the week, small steps towards a big goal in time. The idea is not to rush, pacing is a word used a lot. This is something I am not used too, I have never been good at it but I can now also see how it is beneficial rather than going through big peaks and troughs as I do now. Again this is not uncommon for people who suffer with chronic pain. That was the morning sorted and my goal for this weekend is to spend sometime out of the bed playing with Clayton, going for a walk with Helen and the dog and spending more playtime with Clayton before I come back the hotel on Sunday evening. Now this may sound small and silly to some, but to me this is a big step. You kind of get yourself in a safe place and not doing things because your worried about the pain or potential to cause you pain, but by avoiding it your also making yourself worse because your then feeding your depression and self loathing which makes pain worse and so the cycle continues. Also one of the big reasons I’ve come on the course is to stop being “Angry Daddy”, now when a 4-year-old tells you that is how he perceives you it is heartbreaking. I know I get angry and as the smallest member of our family Clayton probably is the butt of that anger because a child winds you up at the best of times but when you’re in pain and on medication that effects your mood then it is a recipe for disaster. Now I’m not making excuses about this just stating facts. This is things the course helps you deal with.


This afternoon was started by my gym session where the idea is getting you moving, loosening joints that have become stiff and tight thus making it easier to do things and not feel so stiff and achy. Now one thing is walking, I have become frightened by it and avoid it as much as possible, but by pacing and today using scooter to get round most of the day I was able to do some walking and not be frightened by it. In fact it felt good, now I’m not saying how far or how quick I did it but I was pleased with how I did and by taking small baby steps to get to where I wanted I managed to do some walking inside 2 days, what will I be like by the end of 6 weeks! LOL. Being trapped from doing everyday things is something hopefully for you most people won’t go through but trust me it’s not a nice place to be.


After gym it was my 1st mindfulness session, this I wasn’t sure about but…It really helped, we had a really good meditation session that relaxed me and I felt good energy, but also a discussion about how putting yourself in the moment and not thinking anything else can really stop you getting angry and getting to the point where your so wound up you can’t focus on anything and pain becomes too much and the only way you let it out is by shouting. The idea is you concentrate your breathing and that really does help, well it did in the group session how it works at home is another matter lol.


The final session of the day was a psych session which talked about what is pain and how it affects you. Now we talked about the difference between acute and chronic pain, most notably acute is really some kind of warning from your body, like a light on your dashboard. As for chronic pain well that has gone past a warning for your body now its just kind of there not going anywhere not doing anything just pain, it is really hard to explain. Over these 1st 8 days that is how the day kind of runs but it teaches you so much, mainly planning. If your living with chronic pain plan, you need to get out of the cycle of peaks and troughs and big crashes when you’ve done too much and then can’t do anymore. If you plan you can factor in taking brakes which are essential and rest before the pain starts as when the pain becomes too bad it’s already too late. Also it is about taking small steps and not pushing yourself too far, something I have been guilty of for a long time. Not only that I need to start to be selfish, I am important too, if I don’t look after me and watch myself well I can’t do anything else anyway.


That’s kind of an overview of things so far, now I know this blog has gone on loads and I’ve rambled on, I just hope it gives those of you who don’t really know me and those who do an even better insight of me and how I came to this point of my journey with pain and things. I will need a lot of help and support to push through with this course and the techniques I learn, I also hope it will help me find me again something I lost somewhere back, I know I’m not the same Craig I was 5 years ago and even 5 years before that feels like it was a completely different person. I want to try to be more fun again and that will require work by me but also help and support from those who I love as well as my friends.


Thanks for reading and if you got to the bottom your amazing, but I can say writing this has been a good 3 hours for me getting things written down really does put things in perspective.

Written by pegleg5125

09/07/2013 at 7:52 pm